Polyamory: When love, like music is celebrated in abundance

We are all traveling composers on varied relational journeys.

Polyamory is the philosophy or state of being in love or romantically involved with more than one person at the same time. About 10 years ago I became acquainted with polyamory through reading a number of well cited books on the topic. With each new book and eventually articles and podcasts the concept of maintaining multiple positive and loving relationships became more tangible and concrete.

Through research and reflection polyamory became a way to reframe my life’s relationships in a way that made more sense. I fall in love easily and have had a number of significant relationships that did not culminate in ‘till death do us part’ marriages but have significantly influenced every part of my being and life.

Being polyamorous has provided a structural framework for acknowledging my nontraditional, long-term committed relationships while being present for new and varied interactions and relationships with amazing people who continually intrigue, challenge, and nurture me.

I’ve struggled to illustrate what polyamory and the relationships I’ve been afforded feel like to people who are not polyamorous. While I believe monogamy is a completely valid, positive, and fulling construct for many people I feel strongly that acknowledging and illustrating the abundance and creativity available through polyamory is important.

Love to me is akin to music and being in a relationship is like being a musician. Each relationship in my life is a unique opportunity to compose a creative tapestry of experience. The depth and influence of each relationship is not best defined by time or exclusivity but rather by composition and chemistry.

Like playing music to a musician, nurturing loving relationships is the essence of life and we must work at continual self improvement. For me, that self improvement has taken the form of nurturing relationships without the expectation of a set outcome. Like a musician I have grown through every relationship interlude and collaboration I’ve been involved in.

Whether infrequent interludes with a companion of 25 years or the day-to-day collaborative intricacy required for a complex symphony, no relationship lessens the value of the others. Even a one-off jam session could open your heart to to a previously unappreciated genre of music.

In fact, the lessons learned in a jam session may likely improve your creativity in composing the symphony. In my relationships I am both teacher and student and the lessons may be brief and profound or long and incremental. Regardless, each relationship is afforded time, energy, and respect as we are all traveling composers on varied relational journeys who together are weaving a global tapestry of love that like music brings hearts and minds together.

2 comments

  1. Maria Miel Iles says:

    Do you have offspring? And if so, how do you tend to their mundane needs, e.g. housing, feeding, car pools, etc., in a polyamorous construct? And if you do have offspring, are these children nurtured in a collective?

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